We Love the Way We Were Loved: 20 Powerful Journal Prompts for Healing Wounds

On my recent Substack essay, I write about how we love the way we were loved…until we heal. I write about a “love template” that we all hold that is shaped in our formative years. As adults, we continue to look at love and relationships through this lens.

For example, if you felt unloved and unseen as a child, you may marry someone completely opposite from your mother or father, yet unknowingly you may feel unloved and unseen in your relationship.

Something seemingly small may trigger you– and pull you right back into the cycle of feeling this way.

You think you are upset with your partner, but really, it’s multifaceted. You are repeating a past wound, and it is an opportunity to heal. However, the current frustration and the inner child wounds are hard to manage, and thus, we get stuck in the cycles and keep going around and around. (And your partner is being faced with his/her past experiences/triggers/cycles too).

Consequently, these journal prompts are meant to help you go beneath the surface of your relationship patterns or love wounds to release the past.

In doing so, you’ll break the cycle and access a deeper love than you have ever known before.

Doing the Inner Work to Heal Old Wounds

Below are some powerful journal prompts that will help you dig deep. I highly suggest working on them section by section as this “template” starts on the surface and then goes deeper.

First, you’ll look at your past love patterns and think about the dynamic. This goes deeper than your choice of a partner, but your role and pattern in your relationships.

Next, you’ll explore the roots of your love dynamic. This goes back to your childhood, to your parents, to your first love, to those awkward teen years. It is absolutely incredible how much of our idea of love is shaped on these formative experiences.

After that, you’re going to move the lens back to yourself, as you look at your triggers and reactions and how they are affecting your current relationship.

Naturally, you’ll then be empowered to rewrite these patterns and access a deeper love.

And the final step is deepening your own self-love. I’m not talking about how pretty (or handsome) or how smart you are, but how much you actually really truly and deeply love yourself?

If you have a partner willing to do the work, journaling could be a great couples activity. Some prefer to keep their journals private, but sharing what comes up is a great way to be closer to your partner.

Journal Prompts for Loving the Way We Were Loved

Without further ado, here are relationship-changing, love-deepening journal prompts you’ve been waiting for. 🙂

Reflecting on Past Love Patterns

• What recurring patterns or dynamics do I notice in my relationships?
• What types of partners do I tend to be drawn to?
• Do my relationships often feel nurturing, challenging, joyful, or draining? Why might that be?
• What role do I usually play in a relationship? And how does that affect me?

Exploring the Roots of Love Patterns

• What did I learn about love from my parents or caregivers? Write about any memories that come through, how your parents interacted (or didn’t) with each other, or how they showed you love.
• How did I feel loved as a child? Did I feel loved as a child?
• What messages about love, relationships, or worthiness did I absorb, as a child, as a teenager, as a young adult?
• What was my first experience of romantic love like? How did it shape my expectations?

Understanding Triggers and Reactions

• What situations or behaviors from a partner trigger strong emotions in me?
• When I feel insecure or unloved, how do I respond?
• What fears or doubts often come up in my relationships? Where might those stem from?

Rewriting Love Patterns

• What would a healthy and fulfilling relationship look like and feel like?
• What boundaries do I need to set or strengthen in my relationships? How can I communicate this gently?
• What patterns am I ready to let go of? How would that feel?
• What patterns do I want to embrace? How would that feel?

Loving Yourself First

• How can I practice more self-love on a daily basis? How can I give more compassion to myself?
• Write down five or more things that you love about yourself. (If you are having trouble with these, pretend you are a friend writing to you.)
• Write down ten ways you can outwardly show more love to yourself.
• How can I celebrate myself today, even in a small way?

For self-love, I also recommend meditation and visualization. There are some beautiful self-love meditations with Quan Yin on YouTube.

Happy Healing, friends! And it is happy, because underneath all the hurt and sadness is a beautiful layer of joy waiting to shine.

And if you haven’t read my Substack article, hop over there for a good chuckle and some more healing vibes.